Today, while riding the metro….

The feeling of shock rushed over me for the 200th time since I’ve been here. I cannot believe that today, I’m living in Paris. I did it. 

Not even a year ago I was completely miserable, working as an insurance agent, signing another two year phone contract with Verizon Wireless, saving up money in hopes that one day I’d be able to move out of Columbia, SC and away from the people that recycle values, opinions, ignorance- over and over again. Where progress is very hard to imagine, where people settle, where you walk down the streets with a decent outfit on and everyone looks at you as if you were crazy- because A. You have on a short dress, or B. you’re actually walking down the street. Where I lived the most challenging 20 years and felt the most dark feelings. 

Here, passerby’s don’t even look at you, and if they do- it’s usually because they think you’re beautiful(and they note their feelings with a look), or they’re glancing past you and minding their own business. If you smile at someone here, it’s almost like it made their day, because no one ever does it. Pale, line-less faces turn into huge wrinkly grins- and it gives you the most satisfaction you could ever receive. I’ve come to appreciate the smallest notions, the tiniest details, and the most basic feelings that all of us are given. I’m not sure- as it’s only been a month, but I have formed a hypothesis that french people definitely “get the big picture”.  I’ve never witnessed such beautiful and tender parenting, truly relaxed as I have here, or marveled at anything that compares to this city. 

My life has been full of disappointment, stress, estrangement, darkness…. and Now that I’m here, actually living- I can’t even remember what it feels like to long for something. To not find one thing each day that I’m appreciative for. I feel as if my life has been the definition of luck, but before I thought it was only misfortune. I was convinced that I was stuck, that nothing would ever get any better- now all I think about is everything I want to do in my life, so much, that I have a hard time deciding on where I should go next. These thoughts nearly started the waterworks in front of fifty strangers today. I am in shock; and I am one strong, fortunate, amazingly happy 21 year old female. You’re never stuck, you’re never hopeless, and you are never alone… and you sure as hell better never give up, because each day you are living, and that alone is a miracle. If at the very least, Just be thankful that you didn’t slip while getting out of the shower and bust your head open and die this morning- because literally, you are a survivor everyday… and every moment that you are a survivor, you have more and more chances to change the outcome of your life.